Hold onto your hats, folks! Coinbase-yes, *that* Coinbase-is now dabling in the wacky world of DEX trading on Base! They’re even picking up the tab for those pesky network fees! Can you believe it?! And get this… Solana’s next!
Apparently, someone at Coinbase decided mainstreet America (except New Yorkers, poor saps) needs access to millions of tokens. Millions! Using some fancy self-custody wallet thingy. It’s like giving a chimpanzee a rocket launcher… but hopefully with better results. 🐒🚀
They’re paying for the gas! The *gas*! It’s a giveaway! A scheme! A…a really smart business move? Who knows! I’m confused!
And Solana? Seriously? They’re gonna let people trade even MORE questionable digital whatsits. What could *possibly* go wrong?! 😵💫
Coinbase Unleashes a Token Tsunami!
So, Coinbase is suddenly all about “onchain assets.” They’re promising to go from a measly 300 tokens to… wait for it… *millions*! It’s like digital Beanie Babies all over again! Prepare the hype, people! 📈
They’re starting with these fancy projects like “Virtuals AI Agents” and “Reserve Protocol DTFs.” Sounds legit, right? 🤨 They’ll add more in batches, because apparently, letting loose millions of tokens at once is… irresponsible. Who knew?
No more waiting for listings! Instant access! It’s the future! Or a very chaotic present. Tomato, tomahto. 🍅
They say you can explore these decentralized markets from the security of the Coinbase app, which they already convinced you to trust. Sneaky, sneaky. But hey, they’ll block the bad tokens… allegedly.
But don’t get too comfy! They’re not responsible for your bad investment choices. You’re on your own, buddy! 🤷♂️
Self-Custody? More Like Self-Destruct! (Just Kidding…Maybe)
This self-custody wallet thing? It’s groundbreaking! It’s revolutionary! It’s potentially a disaster waiting to happen! But mostly groundbreaking! You can manage your portfolio, use your Coinbase money, and pretend you know what you’re doing! 💸
And FREE fees! They’re just *giving* money away! Is this some kind of complicated Ponzi scheme? I smell a Ponzi scheme! (Probably nothing.)
No more messing with Metamask or Phantom! Just… Coinbase! It’s so easy, a caveman could do it! (But probably shouldn’t.) They even have these “DEX aggregators” that find the best prices. Sounds like witchcraft, if you ask me. 🧙
It’s a hybrid! Centralized convenience with decentralized freedom! It’s the best of both worlds! Or the worst of both worlds! We’ll see.
Coinbase Wants to Rule the Crypto Galaxy!
Oh, but they’re not stopping at Base! Solana’s calling their name! More chains, more tokens, more opportunities to lose all your money! 🎉
Some “analyst” named Alva thinks this could make Solana and other chains *popular*. Well, duh! It’s Coinbase! They could make dirt popular! And apparently it could significantly boost something called “TVL”, whatever that is. It sounds expensive.
And they want to expand globally! Because everyone deserves the opportunity to gamble their life savings on digital tulips! It’s a bold strategy, Cotton, let’s see if it pays off. 🌍
Read More
- Gold Rate Forecast
- Wrestler Marcus “Buff” Bagwell Undergoes Leg Amputation
- ENA PREDICTION. ENA cryptocurrency
- PS5’s ChinaJoy Booth Needs to Be Seen to Be Believed
- Microsoft is on track to become the second $4 trillion company by market cap, following NVIDIA — and mass layoffs
- AI-powered malware eludes Microsoft Defender’s security checks 8% of the time — with just 3 months of training and “reinforcement learning” for around $1,600
- xAI’s $300/month Grok 4, billed as a “maximally truth-seeking AI” — seemingly solicits Elon Musk’s opinion on controversial topics
- Anime’s Greatest Summer 2024 Shonen Hit Drops New Look Ahead of Season 2
- Lewis Capaldi Details “Mental Episode” That Led to Him “Convulsing”
- Minecraft lets you get the Lava Chicken song in-game — but it’s absurdly rare
2025-08-09 09:48