Crypto Chaos: 4 Reasons to Panic (and a Dogecoin Joke) 💸🔥🐶

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The markets, like a weary traveler, stumbled this morning, their steps faltering under the weight of Europe’s fury. Donald Trump’s trade tariffs, a heavy yoke, had the EU leaders scrambling, their meetings as urgent as a farmer’s dash to save his crops from a storm. Crypto, that fickle lover, had slumped 3%, shedding $115 billion like a man losing his last dime at a poker table. Bitcoin, once a proud stallion, now limped below $92,000, its hooves trembling in the dust.

Trump’s 10% tariffs on Europe’s eight nations sparked a firestorm. The EU, with a flick of its wrist, summoned its “trade bazooka,” a weapon as mythical as a dragon’s breath. France’s Macron, a man of action, demanded the bloc unleash its wrath, a move as dramatic as a Shakespearean soliloquy. The world held its breath, waiting for the next act of this operatic drama.

This week’s economic reports, like a ticking time bomb, threaten to deepen the chaos. GDP and inflation data, those fickle courtiers, could send markets spiraling. The US, meanwhile, sleeps on Monday, a national holiday as deep as a sleepwalker’s trance, while crypto markets, already bruised, wait for the morning’s reckoning.

On Thursday, the heavy artillery of data will fire: Q3 GDP and November’s PCE inflation, delayed like a tardy guest at a feast. Policymakers, eyes wide with worry, will watch the inflation reading, a pendulum swinging between hope and dread. The Fed, that divided council of confused sages, debates whether to lower rates, their decisions as murky as a foggy morning.

Key Events This Week:

1. Stock Market Futures React to Trump’s 10% EU Tariffs – Tonight

2. US Markets Closed, MLK Day – Monday

3. December Pending Home Sales data – Wednesday

4. US Q3 2025 GDP data – Thursday

5. November PCE Inflation data – Thursday

6. January S&P Global…

– The Kobeissi Letter (@KobeissiLetter) January 18, 2026

In Asia, the central banks of China and Japan, like ancient sentinels, will announce their decisions, their words echoing through the markets. Around 10% of S&P 500 companies, those titans of industry, will unveil their earnings, while the World Economic Forum in Davos, that glittering circus of ideas, begins its spectacle. Buckle up, folks-it’s going to be a wild ride.

Crypto, that elusive dream, has once again danced with gold, only to fall like a leaf in autumn. Bitcoin, after a weekend of quiet reflection, plummeted 3%, its price a shadow of its former self. Ethereum, though battered, clung to $3,200, a lifeline in a sea of despair. Altcoins, those forgotten children of the market, suffered more, their values dropping like stones in a river. Yet, Monero, that stubborn mule, gained 10%, its price a spark of hope in the darkness.

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2026-01-19 10:30