Streaming Giant’s $3.4M Shakedown – Your Data’s Worth Pocket Change!💰

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In a delightful turn of events that proves corporations can be caught with their hands in the digital cookie jar, a streaming service you’ve probably never heard of is coughing up $3.4 million like a cat with a hairball. 🐱💸

FuboTV – which sounds like a rejected Pokémon name – allegedly treated user privacy like a piñata at a birthday party. According to the newly updated settlement portal (a phrase that fills everyone with joy), they’ll now be doling out cash to anyone who had an account before May 29th while residing in the US… or its territories, because apparently Guam deserves justice too. 🇬🇺

The lawsuit, filed with all the subtlety of a bull in a china shop back in 2023, accused Fubo of gathering personal data like a squirrel preparing for winter – using everything from Meta Pixel to Google Analytics, Cookies, and what we can only assume were actual paparazzi hiding in users’ routers. 📸

FuboTV apparently ran afoul of the Video Privacy Protection Act – a delightful 1988 law originally meant to protect your embarrassing VHS rental history from public scrutiny, now stretched to cover streaming services because nothing says “legal foresight” like applying Betamax-era laws to TikTok. 📼✨

The settlement portal coyly states that payout amounts depend on how many people actually file claims – so if you’re imagining early retirement, maybe settle for an extra guacamole portion at Chipotle instead. Claims close September 12th, while the final approval hearing happens October 6th – just in time for everyone to forget about this until the check arrives in 2027. ⌛

Those wishing to say “thanks but no thanks” to this corporate mea culpa must submit a ‘Request for Exclusion’ by August 28th using either email or carrier pigeon (okay fine, just email or mail). Because nothing says “I decline your blood money” like formatting a proper letter in 2024. ✉️

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2025-07-19 15:02