Trump Jr. Discovers Crypto After Banks Ghost Him Like a Bad Tinder Date 😱

by

So apparently Don Jr. just had his financial “Eat, Pray, Love” moment and crypto was the Bali villa that saved him. Bless. 💅

Picture this: once upon a time, getting a bank loan was like ordering pizza – one phone call and boom, money’s at your door. Then suddenly banks started treating the Trumps like that one friend who always “forgets” their wallet. Awkward. 🙈

Now he’s out here discovering Bitcoin like it’s 2013 and he’s just heard about avocado toast. “It’s about freedom!” he cries, while probably googling “what is blockchain” in another tab. The irony is *chef’s kiss* 🤌

But wait, there’s more! Don Jr.’s suddenly an expert on multi-trillion dollar industries. Next week: Eric explains quantum computing using Monopoly money. 🎲

Washington’s cooking up some crypto legislation – which I’m sure will be as clear as my high school boyfriend’s text messages. And apparently if America doesn’t jump on this bandwagon immediately, we’ll all be speaking Mandarin and using digital yuan to buy our Starbucks. The drama! ☕️

The Trump administration is now Team Crypto, which is like watching your dad suddenly discover TikTok. Painful, yet oddly compelling. 📱

PSA: This isn’t financial advice. I’m not even sure it’s advice. It’s more like watching a soap opera where everyone’s wallets are the main characters. Do your own research before YOLOing your life savings into Dogecoin because a Trump told you to. You’ve been warned. 💸

Read More

2025-08-20 00:26