Markets
What to know:
- A congregation of like-minded souls from the political plains is demanding Chancellor Rachel Reeves resettle the Bank of England’s narrow-house rules for stablecoins, lest the fields of innovation wither and the sheep meat scatter in search of greener meadows.
- Wooly-pated elders fret that their current edicts will birth a desert of unprofitable pound-backed ventures, driving investors to the green pastures of U.S. dollar coins like USDC and USDT-but hey, who needs shepherds when there are wolves?🐺
- They beseech her to sow a forward-looking framework to winch the U.K. back into the global fintech race-or else the City of London will wither like a chalice of milk under the midday sun.
A cross-party herd of MPs, peers, and other barnyard thinkers penned a plea to Chancellor Rachel Reeves, arguing that the Bank of England’s rules are tightening the noose on stablecoins-those clever tokens pegged to the old-world currencies-risking a financial exodus that would leave the U.K. with naught but a humble pie chart of prosperity embarrassment. 😒
In a farmer’s almanac of legalese, dated Dec. 11, 2025, Sir Gavin Williamson and other rogues (including Viscount Camrose and Baroness Verma, because of course they have titles) declared stablecoins are the new furrows in the digital plowfield, reshaping transactions and fattening the sow of financial inclusion. (They don’t say “Invest in Bitcoin,” but you feel the urgency.)
“These stablecoins,” the lawmakers proclaimed with all the gravitas of a pious oldtimer, “are reshaping financial infrastructure,” citing numbers that could baffle a math prodigy: $27.6 trillion in transactions in 2024, 8% more than Visa and Mastercard combined. Citibank, that noble fortress of capitalism, even prophesied $100 trillion by 2030. But between prosperity and prophecy sits a shrewdly drafted statute. 📜
Yet they warn the Bank of England’s draft-a parchman’s folly of restrictions, interest bans, and the chilling GBP 20,000 holding cap-risks turning the U.K. into a regional backwater. Pound-backed stablecoins? Unattractive, they say. Unattractive! Imagine! Why, that’s like calling Great Aunt Ethel’s mince pies “overly stable.”
Such rules, they argue, will drive investors to the dollar-backed wastelands, creating a two-tiered market where the U.S. dollar rules the blockchain throne. “The U.K. will be left petting hogs while America milk-shakes the future,” they scoff. 🐷
Amid this turmoil, the U.S. rolls up its sleeves and paints the town “futuristic” with its GENIUS Act (a name so driwwptastic it’s almost offensive), while the U.K. debates like we still live in the age of quills and tea. The lawmakers conclude with a hopeful yet cringing plea: a call to future-proof the Stablecoin Act to showcase Britain as a haven of fintech hope-because “making the UK a world-leading destination for digital assets” is a line that probably works on LinkedIn. 💼
“We welcome your charm to ‘make the UK a world-leading destination for digital assets,’” they writhe. “Now deliver-before your constituents start investing in horse-drawn appaloosas. 🐴”
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2025-12-12 09:02