“We want as much as we can possibly get,” announced Hines, with the sort of gusto usually reserved for a gentleman spotting a late-night buffet. One could almost picture him clutching the nation’s Bitcoin purse strings like a miser with a particularly coveted batch of Christmas crackers. “We’re not going to sell any Bitcoin that we possibly have in the US government, period.” Stirring stuff! Somewhere, Scrooge McDuck shed a tear of pride.
Upon being summoned to address the venerable Senate Banking Committee (who, frankly, have never seen a digital asset they couldn’t interrogate mercilessly), Hines doubled down. He’s been calling Bitcoin “Digital Gold” since being installed as Executive Director of the President’s Council of Advisers on Digital Assets—a title that surely strains both business cards and patience at social functions.
In an historic move that sent monocles tumbling into gin and tonics across Washington, the United States officially blessed the creation of a national Bitcoin reserve. Bo Hines, crypto czar extraordinaire, calmly explained the government’s plan to never, under any circumstance (“cross my heart and hope to HODL!”), sell a single Satoshi. The message couldn’t have been clearer if he’d tattooed it on the entire Cabinet.
The annual 2025 Bitcoin Conference found Hines back on his soapbox. In an oration that would make Cicero consider investing in cold wallets, he declared the U.S. has launched its very own Bitcoin Reserve. Reminding the world—again—that Bitcoin is “digital gold,” he solemnly promised, “We want to get as much as we can.” If greed were an Olympic sport, Team USA now claims gold and Bitcoin in the same event! 🥇🪙
Earlier, at the Bitcoin Policy Institute (which, by all indications, serves a mean cup of coffee), a senior White House official revealed the government’s plan to accumulate Bitcoin gradually, not all at once. Unsurprisingly, the strategy involves buying in bits so as not to spook the crypto market like a bull in a china shop—or, indeed, a congressman visiting his first blockchain conference. With Bitcoin prices reaching dizzying heights in 2025, this bold play adds a dash of digital spice to the economic stew. Who’d have guessed—America has caught the Bitcoin bug, and it may need a bigger wallet. 🚀💸
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2025-06-26 22:32