Gerry Turner explained that his then-wife, Theresa Nist, declined his offer to continue their relationship in the fantasy suite at her New Jersey house.
Just a week after their wedding in January 2024, the star of The Golden Bachelor drove 14 hours from Indiana to visit his wife at her home in New Jersey.
In his new memoir, Golden Years: What I’ve Learned from Love, Loss, and Reality TV, he recalls that on his first night at her home, she prepared the guest bed with sheets and pillows, then asked if he would mind sleeping on the sofa because she had a long work day ahead of her and needed to rest.
Reader, he did.Â
I remember saying ‘Yeah, no problem,’ but honestly, inside I was screaming, ‘Why would he even ask? We’re married! It just didn’t make any sense to me at the time.’
Still, he didn’t want the situation to turn into the most dramatic night ever.Â
“I did not want to make waves,” Gerry continued, “especially on my first night in her home.”
And he was happy to accept her desire to pump the brakes.Â
He emphasized that he’d completely respect Theresa’s feelings and pace, and would never pressure her into anything she didn’t want to do.
Gerry went on to say that he might have been pleased if her question had led to a real, honest discussion about more important things. But instead, a silence fell between them as Theresa prepared the couch for him to sleep on.
As a result, the newlyweds never made the choice to forgo their separate rooms.Â
Gerry explained that a single night spent on the couch at someone’s place turned into several, and he ended up leaving New Jersey a day sooner than he’d intended.
Even though theyâd only been married a few days, he thought, “This should have been a wonderful honeymoon!” But he wasnât just focused on their new relationship; he had other concerns too.
He remembered a stark contrast between the Theresa he met in Costa Rica and the one he knew after they returned home. While she was open and comfortable with intimacy during their time at the resort, she seemed to avoid it once they were back in the States.
And it wasn’t just talking about the sorts of activities that might take place in a fantasy suite.Â
Gerry explained that intimacy means many things to him, and it’s definitely more than just physical connection. He believes true intimacy comes from openly sharing your thoughts and feelings without worrying about being judged, and from making your partner feel valued and special.
Even though he still hoped for a future with Theresa, he felt he couldn’t achieve the same emotional closeness with her that he’d desired in a romantic relationship.
To hear Theresa tell it, though, she was also eager for the romance to bloom.Â
Theresa revealed on the Dear Shandy podcast on November 4th that she and someone else did share her bed the first night. However, it had been nine years since sheâd shared her bed with anyone, and she admitted she didnât sleep at all. The next morning, he offered to sleep on the couch, but she clarified that she hadnât even asked him to.
Let me tell you, it wasn’t just the bedroom situation that bothered Gerry during his visit â it actually kept him up at night! It seems something else was really on his mind, and it was causing him a lot of worry.
After giving his final rose to the 72-year-old, Gerry realized they faced some serious challenges. They couldnât agree on where to live and even struggled to share meals due to very different diets.
What really sealed the deal for them, according to Gerry in a chat with Francesca Amiker from TopMob News, was Theresa unexpectedly changing her mind about retiring. I mean, it was a total surprise! Sheâd been planning it for ages, and then suddenly, she decided to stay on. It was the final piece of the puzzle, and honestly, it completely changed everything.
Gerry explained that his partner initially said she’d be willing to stop working once she found the right person, but she later changed her mind. They attempted to find a solution together. Ultimately, Gerry realized he needed a partner who shared his desire for adventure, travel, and seeing the world, which wasn’t possible with someone focused on their career. (TopMob News has contacted Theresa for a response, but she hasn’t replied.)
Only three months after getting married, the couple announced they were separating. However, Gerry says he doesn’t regret being the first Golden Bachelor.
Gerry, who is now engaged to retired teacher Lana Sutton, shared with TopMob that despite the difficulties he faced on the show, he believes it ultimately led him to where he is today. He feels the experience, though challenging, was worthwhile and necessary for his personal growth.
He’s also revealing what led to the end of his relationship with Theresa. In his book, Gerry details the reasons their love faded.
The loss of Gerry Turner’s high school sweetheart, Toniâand mother to his daughters Jenny Young and Angie Warnerâto a bacterial infection just weeks after they settled into their new lakefront home in 2017 was incredibly painful. What made it even more devastating was discovering, weeks later, that Toni had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes.
He wrote in his 2025 memoir, Golden Years: What I’ve Learned From Love, Loss, and Reality TV, that he was overwhelmed with questions and regrets. He explained that diabetes, if not properly managed, puts a lot of strain on the body, especially the kidneys. He wondered if Toni could have lived longer if she hadn’t dismissed her concerns as unimportant, and if he had, in any way, encouraged that attitude. He also questioned why she hadn’t felt comfortable sharing her diabetes diagnosis with him.
Even though leaving their Indiana home was difficult, he put up a picture of his wife of 43 years in his new closet. He explained that he wanted to see her smiling face every morning while getting ready for the day.
He disagreed with a 2023 article in The Hollywood Reporter that detailed his life after retirement, including relationships he hadnât mentioned on The Golden Bachelor. He claimed he hadnât dated in over forty years, but admitted in his book, âThey did get one thing right: I had met this woman at Toniâs funeral.â
He started dating and eventually moved in with a woman he felt a connection with, but admits he rushed into things. He hadn’t been in a relationship since he was 18, and even if heâd been emotionally readyâwhich he wasnâtâthat should have signaled him to take it slow. Instead, he did the opposite.
Joan Vassos, who was set to be the Golden Bachelorette, made the difficult decision to leave the show because her daughter was struggling after having a baby. Gerry was understandably upset by this, even though he understood her reasons. He confessed, “I’d be lying if I said I wasnât crushed.” He really felt a connection with Joan and thought she could be the person he’d spend his life with, so her departure was very disappointing.
I remember when she left, it was a real shock. But months later, she surprised him â and me! â by sending him a gorgeous coffee table book filled with photos by Annie Leibovitz. Heâd always loved her work, especially a collection of her photos weâd looked at together during our private moments, so it was a really thoughtful gesture.
Okay, so seeing her⊠it was complicated. Part of me, a tiny, pathetic part, still wanted to be with her, you know? When I went to see her while she was giving out those roses, I told myself I was glad she seemed happy, that she was moving on. And she did look good. But honestly? It just stung. It really did. A little piece of my heart will always be hers, and seeing her with someone else⊠it just broke me a little bit more. I tried to be happy for her, I really did, but it was so hard.
Gerry found it especially difficult to eliminate Ellen Goltzer. Before meeting families, he knew keeping Faith Martin and Leslie Fhima was an easy choice, but deciding between Ellen and the woman he would eventually marry, Theresa Nist, was incredibly hard.
He described both candidates as likeable and optimistic, and didn’t see any immediate concerns with either of them. He thought both would make great partners. Despite being tired and under pressure to decide, he knew it was time to let Ellen know she hadn’t been selected.
He said he ended things with her because they just didn’t have a romantic connection. While he wasn’t certain Theresa was ‘the one,’ he was even more sure Ellen wasn’t a good match for him.
Gerry said he felt purely excited about Leslie, who would later finish second. However, he occasionally worried that Leslieâs fast-paced lifestyle might be too much for her, especially given her past relationship with a famous person.
He couldn’t decide between Leslie and Theresa, and started to worry that the fitness instructor’s two previous divorces suggested they had very different ideas about what commitment meant, which could cause problems for them later on.
Looking back, he realized his previous concerns about Leslie’s commitment were misplaced. He now understands it wasn’t a lack of dedication on Leslie’s part, but rather a reflection of his own insecurity, especially when compared to Theresa’s strong devotion to her late husband.
He didn’t intend to hurt her feelings, and he regrets telling both Leslie and Faith he loved them while they were back in their hometowns.
He explained that he truly meant what heâd said to Leslie and Faith. However, looking back, he realized that real love requires complete and unconditional devotion to one person. He felt he hadnât given that to either of them, and that regret still weighs on him.
After host Jesse Palmer invited them to spend a private night in the fantasy suites, Gerry realized how strongly he felt about Theresa. They talked about their future together, including her plans to leave her career in finance, and Gerry confessed he believed heâd found the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
But his decision to offer the final rose to the New Jersey resident was certainly a thorny one.Â
In his memoir, he explained that while Theresa initially seemed like the right choice based on logic, Leslie quickly became a strong possibility when he listened to his heart. He found himself torn between the two, constantly weighing them against each other. It was a conflict between what felt comfortable and secure, and what promised excitement but also carried risk.
Gerry and Theresa celebrated their engagement in Costa Rica with a special meal delivered to their room. The feast made Gerry realize Theresa had all the qualities he desired in a partner â she was cheerful, thoughtful, and kind.
Once they were apart, though, they found it hard to connect. He admitted their nightly phone calls became strained, explaining that she spoke in the same flat tone no matter what she was discussing â whether it was work issues or something as simple as getting breakfast.
Their secret weekend in New York City didn’t exactly spark romance. Gerry quickly discovered Theresa was very health-conscious, sticking to a completely sugar-free diet â a lifestyle choice he wasn’t thrilled about, especially since she was in charge of the groceries.
He explained that fish and salad were basically all he ate. When he asked her what groceries she’d recommend for energy, she told him, ‘I don’t eat food like that.’
Gerry readily admits he wasn’t familiar with the Kardashians. After the show, he was invited to dinner at Kris Jenner’s house, but wasn’t worried at all. “I didnât know much about them,” he explained. In fact, he even suggested to the driver taking him that the family might be benefiting from their show’s success. The driver was clearly shocked by the comment, looking at him as if he’d said something outrageous.
Throughout the night, he spoke with Kendall Jenner’s boyfriend, Bad Bunny, and even had a conversation with Kris Jenner about hearing aids. However, he denied Kendall’s accusation that he was flirting with her mother. He explained, “That’s not true. I was just quickly caught up in her engaging personality.”
While every relationship has its challenges, Gerry and Theresa’s was particularly difficult. A major issue was Theresa telling Gerry she was ready to retire during a private date, only to later say she needed another year to save for retirement. Gerry felt misled, writing that he was frustrated because her financial situation didn’t match what she’d shared on the show, and it made him question her honesty in other areas as well.
He became annoyed by her daily $12 smoothies and her lack of cooking, estimating she ate out or got takeout for four or five dinners each week.
He felt out of place in New Jersey, and she disliked the rural life in Indiana (“I just can’t live here, it’s too isolated,” she reportedly told him). They planned to move to South Carolina together, but he said she turned down every house he found in the $800,000 to $1.25 million price range, preferring much more expensive properties costing over $4 million.
On the November 4th, 2025 episode of the Dear Shandy podcast, Theresa revealed she wasn’t impressed with any of the houses he’d chosen, but she disagreed with his assertion that she’d attempted to exceed their budget.
Okay, so things weren’t perfect, I’ll admit. As the wedding got closer, I started to see things about Theresa that bothered me â the rose-colored glasses were definitely off! But we kept going, you know? We were already so public with everything, and the TV show was counting on it, so we just⊠went through with it. We actually said ‘I do’ on TV in January 2024, even though I had my doubts. It was crazy!
Gerry, having previously helped couples navigate divorce mediation, felt a prenuptial agreement was essential. He sent the document to Theresa via overnight mail, but became anxious when she didnât return it right away. On the Dear Shandy podcast, Theresa explained the delay was simply because she wasnât sure which parts of the agreement needed to be signed, and emphasized, âI told him, I would never take his money, not in a million years.â
Let me tell you, dealing with big life decisions can be so stressful! I’ve heard from so many people who’ve felt that same panic right before the finish line. This one guy, Gerry, shared in his book that he started to seriously worry his partner was deliberately stalling on the final paperwork. Even after she did sign, he confessed to getting a terrible case of cold feet â he started wondering if theyâd rushed into things and should have taken more time to really get to know each other before committing to forever. It’s a good reminder that even when things seem right, itâs okay to have those last-minute doubts and reflect on the journey.
He knew there was nothing he could do to prevent the wedding, especially without embarrassing himself or Theresa. His only option was to accept the situation, remain silent, and proceed with the marriage, fully intending to do everything he could to make it work.
Gerry’s feet were still cold when he talked to Faith, the woman who received his first impression rose, at the rehearsal dinner.
I told her everything, explaining how I felt. ‘This wedding is a mistake,’ I said. ‘I wish I could stop it, but I feel stuckâlike I have no choice.’ Faith then pointed at my chest and asked, ‘Why are you doing this if you know itâs wrong? This isnât like you at all.’
Despite knowing he shouldn’t, he went through with the wedding. He explained that a lifelong habit of trying to please others was too powerful to overcome. He felt obligated to everyone involved â his daughters, Theresaâs family, the wedding guests who had traveled far, and the team who had worked so hard to create a special day. Above all, he didnât want to disappoint Theresa, even though he had concerns about how quickly their relationship was moving.
Though if you ask her, she’d rather have been a jilted bride than a divorcĂ©e.Â
She told Us Weekly that it deeply saddened her to learn he felt so hopeless and stuck. She wished he had reached out for help instead of suffering in silence.
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen this pattern before. After Gerry and Theresa tied the knot, things quickly feltâŠoff. Just a week after the wedding, Gerry visited Theresa in New Jersey and confessed he felt completely out of place â like he wasn’t welcome in his own wife’s home. It was a really disheartening feeling for him, and a clear sign that they weren’t connecting as a couple in a way that felt natural or comfortable.
She asked him to sleep on the sofa because she had a busy day ahead, and the request surprised him. He explained that while he said, “Yeah, no problem,” he was actually confused, wondering why she’d ask that when they were married.
Theresa remembered things a little differently on the Dear Shandy podcast. She said they did share a bed the first night, but she couldn’t sleep because it had been a while since she’d slept next to someone. She recalled him offering to sleep on the couch, saying, ‘Oh, I can sleep on the couch if you want me to.’ She emphasized that she hadn’t asked him to do so, he had offered it himself.
He ended up staying on the couch for three nights and drove back to Indiana a day sooner than planned. Gerry observed that Theresa seemed like a different person compared to when they were in Costa Rica. While she had been comfortable and even initiated intimacy at the resort, she completely avoided it once they were back in the States.
It was so sad to hear, but Gerry and Theresa decided to end their marriage. They met up in Los Angeles after Joey Graziadei’s season wrapped in March 2024, and they both admitted they’d rushed into things with the wedding. It was a tough conversation, but they both agreed it was best to go their separate ways.
Gerry explained that after a difficult period of strained phone calls, their conversation was the most comfortable theyâd ever had. They finally felt able to be completely honest with each other, having overcome their final obstacle.
Even though Gerry’s daughters understood why he was getting a divorce, he still found it difficult. He admitted he felt like he’d let people down, realizing he hadn’t understood them as well as he’d believed. He regretted rushing into a marriage he wasn’t truly committed to, and these feelings of failure kept repeating in his mind, leaving him feeling deeply depressed.
Looking at news reports about their breakup only made things worse. Gerry felt that while he chose not to publicly address the rumors, Theresa could have clarified some of the false claims. He believed she could have easily said he was financially secure and that they had separated on good terms, agreeing it was a mutual decision.
He described hitting rock bottom, admitting there were times he didn’t want to face the day. One night, overwhelmed and lying awake, he briefly considered ending his life. But the thought of his daughters, Jenny and Angie, immediately stopped him. He realized he couldn’t put them through that pain. He clarified that he didn’t actually want to die, but rather, he just wanted to escape. He was used to pushing through difficult times, believing the pain would eventually subside, but this felt different â like it would never end.
Just two weeks after filing for divorce, Gerry called his wife to ask if he could quickly have her attention. He shared that he was dealing with some health issues â heâd later learn he had a slow-growing type of bone marrow cancer called Waldenström’s macroglobulinemia â even though they were in the process of separating.
He said he couldn’t recall what Theresa said during the call, as she didn’t say much. He did remember, however, that she never followed up to check on him or find out what had happened.
However, Gerry shared that he still hears from former co-stars Susan Noles and Kathy Swarts often. He and Theresa, on the other hand, have completely stopped communicating. “We don’t talk anymore,” he explained, “there’s just no reason to.”
Oh my gosh, it just breaks my heart when people question how much she loved him! She explained it all on Dear Shandy, and it’s so clear she’s a natural caregiver. She said, and I’m paraphrasing because it’s just so touching, that the idea anyone would think she wouldn’t take care of him after his stroke, when he was partially paralyzed, is just completely wrong. It’s just not in her nature! She would have cared for him, and she’s proven that time and time again. It’s awful people even suggested otherwise.
Gerry was left questioning if Theresa joined The Golden Bachelor for genuine reasons. He shared that the support of the other women on the show was actually more helpful in overcoming a difficult time than anything else. He explained that many of them understood what had happened at the mansion â they felt betrayed by the same situation, and they clearly expressed that feeling.
What really made him question Theresaâs intentions was learning that several people had seen her at the mansion with a copy of the book How to Win The Bachelor.
Gerry wrote that seeing Theresa huddled on the couch, carefully planning how to get a rose, really bothered him. It made him realize she didn’t seem interested in finding love, just in winning the competition.
Really, said Theresa, her reading habits were born from pure curiosity.Â
Before appearing on the show, I signed up for a free trial of Audible and noticed a book called How to Win The Bachelor, she explained on the Dear Shandy podcast. I was surprised someone had actually written a guide on winning The Bachelor!
She began listening to the audiobook, but only finished the first chapter during her free trial. She added that it didn’t cross her mind at the show and had no impact on her decision to attend.
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2025-11-05 14:19