Why Tom Lee Thinks Your Diet Needs More Ethereum 🤑🍆

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Uniswap streaking across the stage at ETH Denver”> </a> <p>I never imagined I’d wake up one morning to discover my grandma had gone long on a hallucinatory spreadsheet dressed as internet money, yet here we are. During a recent cameo on the <em>Coin Stories</em> podcast-think NPR meets group therapy-Fundstrat’s own Tom “Perpetual Sunshine” Lee swanned in to proclaim that Ethereum is, in his words, “superior.” <em>Superior!</em> Like unleashing a Chardonnay at a boxed-wine convention. 🥂</p> <p>Lee insists we’re witnessing ETH’s 2017 moment, a phrase that conjures images of twenty-somethings taking out third mortgages to buy pixelated kittens. He swears Wall Street is finally, <em>finally</em>, going to give tokenization the time of day, right after it finishes alphabetizing its collection of artisanal subpoenas. </p> <h2>Why Ethereum is (allegedly) superior</h2> <p>Ever diligent, Tom points out that JP Morgan still flags about 7% of its transactions as “suspicious,” which honestly sounds like a polite way to describe my checking account after I order sushi at 2 a.m. Using that sturdy yardstick, he proclaims ETH the clear winner: “Compare it to Bitcoin? That’s like comparing a Ferris wheel to a municipal parking deck.” I reached for a martini just to process that imagery. </p> <p>“If I had to pick one coin to hold until my knees give out,” Lee chirped, “it would be Ethereum.” Naturally, he quickly walked it back like someone who’s just confessed a crush on their barista. <strong>Never</strong> choose just one asset, he scolds, sounding distressingly like my mother advising me to diversify boyfriends. “One option,” Tom sighs, “is how you end up married to a mime named Chad.” 😬</p> <p>And because no modern tale is complete without a titanic balance sheet, allow me to introduce BitMine Immersion Technologies, a corporation apparently incubated in a venture-capital Easy-Bake Oven. Lee chairs its board, and under his watch-<em>voilà!</em>-BMNR stack-accumulated ETH worth $2.9 billion in the span of a month. That’s enough to make Willy Wonka auction off his factory out of pure embarrassment. 💸</p> <a href=
ETH coin aggressively winking

I picture the Walmart-sized vault nestled somewhere in an abandoned strip mall, filled not with gold bars but with humming computer chips and the faint scent of burnt coffee-my financial future scented like yesterday’s latte. All thanks to a man who says, in essence, “Put your nest egg in ether-assuming your nest egg doubles as a Vegas scratch ticket.”

So remember, kids: diversify precisely the way you diversify toppings on a frozen pizza. One day you’re sprinkling pepperoni; the next you’re staring down a lawsuit because someone confused anchovies for alpha. May your keys remain unlost and your roller-coaster buckled. 🎢🪙

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2025-08-05 23:41