So, here’s the tea: Arthur Hayes-yes, *that* Arthur Hayes-has decided that dodging crypto regulators wasn’t enough drama for one lifetime. Now, he’s diving headfirst into stem cells like a man trying to outrun his own expiration date. Fresh off a pardon from Trump (because of course he got a pardon), Hayes has snagged himself a board seat and a fat chunk of equity in a mysterious stem cell company. Oh, and fun fact-he’s been their guinea pig for over a year. Classic Arthur. 🐷✨
“I want to live as long as possible, as healthy as possible,” Hayes said, because apparently, being a billionaire isn’t enough-you also need to outlive everyone else. He’s practically hopping borders to get infusions in Mexico and Bangkok, chasing that sweet fountain of youth while most of us are just trying not to die from bad takeout. 🌮✈️
But wait, there’s more! The company is currently rebranding, so its name remains under wraps like a celebrity pregnancy announcement. Subtle yet dramatic. 👠🍼
Crypto Titans Swap Tokens for Test Tubes 🧪💸
Turns out, Hayes isn’t alone in this whole “let’s fix humanity” phase. Crypto bigwigs are suddenly obsessed with biotech and living forever-or at least until Bitcoin crashes again.
- Vitalik Buterin? Donated millions-including $25 million worth of SHIB tokens-to aging research groups. Because apparently, even Ethereum gods fear wrinkles. 😱⏳
- Brian Armstrong, Coinbase CEO, co-founded NewLimit, which raised $130 million this year to play God with genetics. Take that, Darwin. 🦒🧬
- And let’s not forget Balaji Srinivasan, former Coinbase CTO, who helped launch Counsyl, a genomics startup focused on disease screening. So basically, they’re all trying to cure death now. No pressure. ⚡🩺
For these guys, extending human life has become the new Bitcoin halving event. Who needs blockchains when you can have eternal youth? 🕰️💎
But Wait, He’s Still Crypto Obsessed 💻📈
Don’t worry, Hayes hasn’t abandoned crypto entirely-he’s just multitasking between saving his portfolio and saving his lifespan. His family office, Maelstrom, throws cash at Bitcoin developers faster than you can say “Laser Eyes.” Grants up to $250k? Check. Investments in digital asset treasuries? Double check. This guy is still very much Team Satoshi. 🤑⚡
The Trump Twist 🇺🇸🎉
Ah yes, the infamous Trump pardon-a plot twist worthy of a Netflix docuseries. Hayes and his BitMEX crew walked away scot-free after their Bank Secrecy Act convictions. And guess what? Hayes sees Trump’s recent love affair with crypto as cosmic validation.
“If you have the president of the empire creating his own memecoin and it’s freely tradable, I think that gives license to other politicians to use memecoins as a way to do campaign finance,” he quipped. Because nothing screams democracy like DogeCoin donations. 🐶🗳️
Oh, and did we mention he’s teasing a report on stablecoins? Of course he is. Because if you thought he was done influencing markets, you clearly haven’t been paying attention. 🔍📊
Great chat with my fellow @Citi markets alum and absolute crypto OG @CryptoHayes. Always amazing to hear his perspective on macro and markets. Arthur teased a soon-to-be-released report on stablecoins. Oh, we had a chance to get his perspective on DATs, too. Great pod.
– Christopher Perkins NYC (@perkinscr97) August 20, 2025
Arthur Hayes built an empire, survived a trial, and walked away with a pardon. Now, he’s betting on two things: Bitcoin and not dying anytime soon. Honestly, same energy. Same chaotic, brilliant energy. 🚀🧬
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2025-08-21 12:43