In a world where the clang of machinery drowns the whispers of reason, the Trump family-those paragons of modernity-have backed a venture called American Bitcoin, which now dares to ascend the Nasdaq like a moth to a flame in September. The merger with Gryphon Digital Mining, they say, is the final act of this operatic farce.

• American Bitcoin, the phoenix of crypto capitalism, will rise on Nasdaq by September.
• Its ticker? ABTC. Because why not spell out “BitCoin” in a language only Wall Street can love. 🤑
• Hut 8, the puppeteer, holds 80%, while the Trump brood-Eric and Donald Jr.-gobble 18%. The rest? Left to rot like stale donuts. 🍩

Once upon a time, Hut 8 mined Bitcoin like it was gold. Now, with the Trumps’ golden touch, they’ve birthed a new beast: American Bitcoin. A venture not just for mining, but for “treasury accumulation,” as if Bitcoin isn’t already a treasure chest with a self-destruct button. 🤷♂️

March this year saw the alchemy of Hut 8’s mining rigs and the Trumps’ Midas touch. An 80% stake for Hut 8, 18% for the Trumps-because nothing says “trust” like giving a family known for bankruptcies a sliver of your empire. 🏦

Asher Genoot, Hut 8’s CEO, told Reuters the Nasdaq debut is nigh. ABTC it shall be called, a name that sounds like a failed tech startup from the early 2000s. But hey, at least it’s not “TrumpCoin.” 🚨

American Bitcoin Merges with Gryphon: A Dance of Dollars and Dreams 💸

Instead of the traditional IPO, American Bitcoin chose a stock-for-stock merger with Gryphon Digital Mining. Why? To avoid the “lengthy regulatory review” and “underwriting process.” In other words: “We’re too lazy to do it the right way.” 🤡

Genoot, with the enthusiasm of a man selling snake oil, said the merger offers “advantages in financing.” Translation: We’re borrowing money we don’t have to buy Bitcoin we don’t need. 🤔

The deal? American Bitcoin will own 98% of the new entity, Gryphon 2%. A merger where the acquirer is the underdog-because nothing says “trust” like letting a 2% owner call the shots. 🤝

Not Just a Treasury Strategy (Or Is It?) 🤷♂️

American Bitcoin has the audacity to claim it’s both a miner and a “treasury vehicle.” Their goal? To become “the world’s largest, most efficient pure-play Bitcoin miner.” Because nothing says “efficiency” like buying Bitcoin instead of mining it. 🤬

As of Aug. 29, they hold 1,941 BTC. That’s $214 million in today’s dollars, or roughly the price of a small island. Genoot, ever the philosopher, said they “ebb and flow between which one is the best return.” Because nothing says “financial strategy” like flipping a coin. 🪙

And now, the grand plan: expand to Japan and Hong Kong. Because why mine Bitcoin when you can mine chaos in Asia? 🌏

But fear not! Hut 8 will lease their data centers to American Bitcoin. No need to build anything from scratch-just rent the skeleton of a dead horse and call it innovation. 🐴

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2025-08-29 11:45