BTC’s Bollinger Bands Are Tighter Than My Ex’s Heart 💸💥

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Bitcoin’s weekly Bollinger Bands have hit a tightness so extreme, even a yoga instructor would be jealous 🧘♀️💸. Tony Severino, the guy who’s probably never seen a “no” in his life, reported that BTC hasn’t broken out above the upper band with the strength of a toddler with a cookie.

Despite hitting an all-time high of $126,000, the crypto is still stuck in a “wait, is this a breakout or a prank?” loop. Severino says it could take 100 days to get a valid breakout-or a breakdown, which is basically crypto’s version of a passive-aggressive text.

Bollinger Bands are like the cryptocurrency version of a therapist-measuring volatility and trying to figure out if you’re overbought or oversold. Spoiler: Bitcoin’s probably just overbought and needs a nap.

Analyst says expanding from a squeeze setup could lead to “head fakes,” which we might have seen with the latest move. Because nothing says “I’m confused” like a crypto price drop. “This has the potential to send Bitcoin parabolic,” he said, “or end the three-year bull rally. Because who needs stability when you can have a rollercoaster?”

Mark Moss, the guy who’s definitely not a conspiracy theorist, says Bitcoin isn’t near cycle peaks yet. But the Fed is “loosening,” ETFs are causing demand shocks, and the world has woken up to the “debasement trade.” Because everyone’s a financial expert now, right?

Despite today’s 2.5% pullback to $121,000, Bitcoin’s “Uptober” is still on track. Because nothing says “I’m a bull” like a 7% gain this month. BTC has gained in 10 of the past 12 Octobers. Because October is the crypto version of a lucky charm.

Analyst “Sykodelic” says the four-year cycle is dead. Because who needs cycles when you can have chaos? Meanwhile, Plan B claims Bitcoin won’t drop below $100k again. Because nothing says “I’m confident” like a price prediction.

September’s close was the fifth month in a row in six figures. And the same happened with $10, $100, $1,000, and $10,000. Because Bitcoin’s just a money printer with a personality.

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2025-10-09 03:02