Trump’s Tariff Tantrum Tanks Bitcoin: Crypto Weeps, Gold Laughs 😭💰

Markets

What to know:

  • Cryptocurrencies took a nosedive on Friday, proving once again that they’re about as stable as a Jenga tower in a wind tunnel. Thanks, Trump! 🌪️💸
  • Bitcoin, the darling of the digital world, plummeted below $119,000, leaving HODLers clutching their pearls and their wallets. ETH and SOL? Also in freefall. 🚀➡️🪂
  • Crypto-related stocks like Circle (CRCL), Robinhood (HOOD), and Coinbase (COIN) took a 5%-6% hit. Guess who’s not buying avocado toast this weekend? 🥑😢

It’s like Groundhog Day, but instead of Bill Murray, it’s Bitcoin bulls waking up to the same nightmare. Monday’s rally to an all-time high? More like a sugar rush followed by a diabetic coma. And just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, Trump decided to play trade war bingo with China. 🎱🤡

In a Truth Social post that screamed “I’m still relevant, guys!” Trump threatened a “massive increase” in tariffs on Chinese goods. Because nothing says “I’m a stable leader” like tweeting-er, Truth-ing-your way into a global economic tizzy. 🇨🇳🇺🇸💥

Bitcoin, which was sitting pretty at $122,000, took a header to $119,000 faster than you can say “HODL.” Ether, Solana, and XRP followed suit, because misery loves company. Even gold was like, “Look at these amateurs,” as it rallied over 1% to $4,000 per ounce. 🏆✨

Crypto stocks? They’re having a worse day than a vegan at a steakhouse. Circle (CRCL) dropped over 6%, Robinhood (HOOD) lost 5%, and Coinbase (COIN) shed 5%. MicroStrategy (MSTR)? Down 3%. Someone call the waahmbulance! 🚑😭

The chaos didn’t stop at crypto. WTI crude oil plunged nearly 4% below $60, because apparently, no one wants to drive when the world’s on fire. The S&P 500 and Nasdaq? Down 1.6% and 1.3%, respectively. It’s a bad day to be a bull, but a great day to be a schadenfreude enthusiast. 🐂🔥

Gold, meanwhile, is sipping champagne and laughing at the whole mess. $4,000 per ounce? Thanks, Trump! 🥂💛

At $118,800, Bitcoin is down 2% in 24 hours and 6% since its record high four days ago. But hey, at least it’s not a Beanie Baby collection. Yet. 🐒🤷‍♂️

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2025-10-10 19:11