Did Tether Really Stash $8 Billion in Gold in a Swiss Vault? Prepare To Be Gobsmacked!

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Deep beneath the frosty Swiss Alps—somewhere between a yodel and a secret handshake—sits a glistening mountain of gold worth a jaw-dropping $8 billion. (Yes, billion, with a “B” as in, “Better not sneeze near it.”) This blinding horde happens to belong to Tether Holdings, those elusive magicians behind the world’s most popular stablecoin, USDT.💰

If you trust the whispers of Bloomberg (do you? perhaps you should), Tether has almost 80 tons of the shiny stuff, putting them right up there in gold-hoarding contests with mastodons like central banks and those mysterious sovereign nations. Even El Salvador, coffee mug in hand, wants to gobble up more.

Gold Fever: 5% Of Tether’s Stash Is The Fancy Stuff

Tether’s chief wizard Paolo Ardoino, in a recent tell-all (except for, you know, any specifics), waxed poetic about their vault’s security. “It’s the safest place on Earth,” he might have declared while sitting on a laser-guarded sofa. The location? Somewhere in Switzerland. No, he wouldn’t say where. Yes, it’s probably next to the world’s finest cheese cellar. 🧀

USDT is Tether’s claim to fame—a magical beast that promises to always be worth just one U.S. dollar, no matter how many times the world spins or politicians panic. Market folks say it’s worth $158 billion; Circle’s rival, USDC, gasps along at $61 billion, hoping for a taste of that glitter.

Both companies, like kids waiting for dessert, are hoping for a great big boost from something called the GENIUS Act—a Senate creation so grand it almost sparkles. If this bill passes, banks and suits might finally buy stablecoins without sighing in despair, and gold could become the crème brûlée of financial assets.

Tether makes its pocket money by swapping dollars for USDT, then stashing those dollars in “serious grown-up” things, like U.S. Treasuries—and, apparently, an Indiana Jones-worthy chunk goes to precious metals. Now, nearly 5% of their rainy-day fund is gold. Not too shabby!

XAUT: Willy Wonka’s Golden Ticket, But Real

In a twist worthy of a chocolate factory, Tether unleashed XAUT—the token everyone’s grandma will soon be bragging about. Each one is backed by a real, bonafide ounce of gold. If you own one, you could, in theory, pop over to Switzerland and scoop up your own bar. (Don’t forget the wheelbarrow for transport. And perhaps a good alibi.)

Ardoino—probably polishing a golden monocle—insists that in these days of “America owes how much again?” debt, stacking gold is the smart move. With central banks everywhere gobbling up bullion like it’s the last slice of cake at a family reunion, gold’s price has gone full goosebump-inducing rocket.

As for why Tether built its own vault rather than pay the usual gold babysitters? Simple: those babysitters charge more than a Swiss watch repairman. Tether prefers to spend on gold—and secrecy—rather than extra babysitting fees.

By the way, if you’re keeping score at home, Circle’s shiny new stock, CRCL, just clocked out at $204—still a hop, skip, and $94 away from its all-time high. But in the world of crypto and gold and secret snowy vaults, who’s counting? 🏦✨

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2025-07-09 14:13