Crypto Heist with a Side of Drama: San Francisco’s $11M Home Invasion

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Imagine this: You’re minding your own business in the picturesque (and notably expensive) Mission District of San Francisco, when suddenly, an armed stranger-decked out like a UPS employee on a mission from the internet gods-shows up at your door. But this wasn’t your average delivery guy, oh no. This was a thief with a flair for the dramatic, stealing a cool $11 million worth of cryptocurrency during what appears to have been a 90-minute hostage movie, minus the ticket price.

Doorbell camera gif showing the suspicious delivery guy with a white box

Target Practice: Home of a Tech Millionaire

So, who’s the unlucky hero in this digital-age Robin Hood story? Lachy Groom, a venture capitalist whose pocketbook probably weighs more than most of us’s yearly income. His fancy-pad on Dorland Street, bought for some $1.8 million from none other than Sam Altman’s brother-yes, the same Sam Altman who is busy trying to make sure AI doesn’t take over the world-was the scene of the crime.

The intruder showed up with the subtlety of a freight train, claiming to be a “delivery worker”-a token disguise that apparently worked like a charm. Social media folks got a glimpse of his grand entrance, footage showing him approaching the house with a suspiciously white package, asking for “Joshua,”-because who wouldn’t trust a man in uniform with a mysterious parcel?

Footage of intruder at doorstep

Doorstep Deception Turns into a Disaster

The house, a shining example of high-tech chic, was shared with a fellow venture enthusiast named Joshua. The fake delivery guy played it cool, asking for Joshua’s signature, and-just as the resident was reaching for a pen to do the deed-he waltzed right inside like he owned the place. Well, he probably did, after a fashion. Then, bang! A noise, a ruckus, and chaos ensues.

Turns out, this guy was packing more than just a package-he had a firearm, duct tape, and a plan seemingly crafted by the top brass of organized crime. Over the next hour-and-a-half, he restrained the homeowner, yelled in foreign voices over loudspeaker-think “Mission: Impossible,” but with more duct tape-and poured some unidentified liquid on the guy, surely a classy touch.

Bitcoin and Ethereum logos with a thief's silhouette

The Ultimate Digital Looting Operation

While reciting what sounded like a high-tech heist novel, the crook managed to hack into the victim’s crypto wallets, with estimates showing around $11 million in Ethereum and Bitcoin evaporated faster than your Instagram likes after you post a bad selfie. He also grabbed the victim’s phone and laptop-because apparently, digital theft isn’t complete without digital footprints.

Police arrived around 6:45 p.m., found the homeowner with some minor bruises (probably from trying to wrestle the thief or just falling over in shock), and started piecing together the scene of what looks like a carefully organized, crypto-specific crime spree.

Spill the Tea: The Love and the Loot

Here’s where it gets juicier: Groom, only 31, and Altman-40 and probably now having to consider the advantages of a home security system-used to date prior to the CEO’s marriage last year. Their prior romance wasn’t exactly headline news, but now, it’s the main plot of this crime thriller.

Groom’s connection to the AI bigwig goes from “mysterious guy on the Facebook event” to “prime suspect” in the theft. Attempts to reach Groom? Crickets. As for the suspect-they’re still on the loose, probably enjoying a new crypto wallet or maybe contemplating their next move over a nice cup of digital currency.

So, in sum: cryptocurrency, well-timed home invasion, and a dash of inter-tech romance. What an excellent way to spend an otherwise boring Saturday. Stay safe out there-these days, the only thing more volatile than the crypto markets is a home invasion, apparently.

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2025-11-26 20:25