Crypto? Oy, Don’t Ask.

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Okay, so Shiba Inu. This coin… honestly. People are talking about “resilience”? It’s barely clinging to life support! It’s near $0.00001200, which, let me tell you, is a very precise way of saying “almost worthless.” 🙄 It bounced a little, a tiny little bounce. Like when you think you’ve found a good parking spot and it’s too small. The RSI is “rebounding”? Big deal. It was in the basement! Any upward movement is basically just avoiding total collapse.

And these EMAs… the 100 and 200? They’re “resistance zones.” Meaning, the price will probably just hit them and then fall flat on its face. 🤦‍♂️ It needs to get above the 50 EMA just to “recover”? It’s a *lot* to ask of a coin that’s trading in fractions of a penny. The volume’s “neutral”? Neutral is depressing! It just means nobody really cares enough to sell off in a panic… or buy. It’s a stalemate of sadness.

They say it’s “far from its speculative peak.” No kidding! It’s further away than I am from winning the lottery. Don’t even *think* about adding another zero. It’s just… don’t.

Bitcoin not giving up

Bitcoin at $112,000… that’s what they’re focused on? Seriously? It was at $123,000, then… poof. Now it’s at $112,000. It’s an “inflection point?” It’s a tiny dip! And it’s bouncing off the 50-day EMA, which is apparently a big deal. I’m more concerned about my dry cleaner losing my favorite shirt. 🤷‍♂️ It broke out of a consolidation zone? What does that even mean? It went up, then it went down. The volume is decreasing? Of course it is. People are losing interest.

This $112,000… it’s crucial? It’s a number! They’re looking for a “breakdown” or a “strong bounce.” Like they have some secret insight. If it breaks below, it’ll go to $107,800. Wonderful. More numbers. As long as it hangs onto $112,000, it’s “bullish”. It’s just… frustrating. It’s a whole lot of hoping for very little happening. It’s like waiting for a bus that never comes.

Ethereum‘s movement capacity

And now Ethereum. It declined, you know, like things do. But it’s sitting on the 26-day EMA, which is apparently “structurally sound”. What does that even mean? And they’re hoping for $4,000. It hit $3,800 and now they want $4,000? You know what I want? A decent bagel. 🥯 It’s slowing its downward momentum? So is my metabolism, but I’m not getting excited about that either. The RSI is “balanced”? That’s not a compliment.

There’s a “multi-layered safety net” between $2,700 and $3,000? It’s a safety net to catch it while it’s falling! And if it gets past $3,600, then maybe, just maybe, it’ll get to $3,950-$4,000. But don’t hold your breath. No, seriously, don’t. You’ll strain something and then I’ll have to hear about it. The structure is “still bullish?” Based on what? Optimism? Delusion?

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2025-08-04 03:28