Sam Bankman-Fried’s mom tried to play legal chess, but Judge Kaplan wasn’t buying it. Spoiler: it didn’t end well. The judge, ever the stickler for procedure, told Barbara Fried she couldn’t just waltz in and beg for mercy on her son’s behalf. “You’re not on the bar, and you’re not a lawyer,” he said. “Also, we don’t take calls from family members. Try a letter.”
Meanwhile, SBF’s own extension request? Docketed on March 19, because apparently moving from a prison with “deteriorating infrastructure” (translation: it’s falling apart) is a valid reason to delay. The Bureau of Prisons is shutting down FCI Terminal Island? Sure, why not. It’s not like they’ve been running a five-star resort there or anything.
SBF, stuck in a prison that’s basically a time bomb, begging for more time to argue he’s innocent. Because nothing says “I’m a victim of circumstances” like a prison transfer and a mother’s desperate plea. What’s next? A courtroom appearance via Zoom from a cell? Please, let’s see that.
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2026-03-19 23:49