Hot Takes & Tall Tales 🥃
Politicos be jawin’ about stuffin’ the Treasury’s mattress with invisible internet nickels while still swearin’ they ain’t raisin’ taxes or raidin’ the cookie jar. Mighty peculiar, ain’t it?
Well sir, the hooraw over whether Washington oughta stack sats like a Mississippi steamboat stacks poker chips just hit fever pitch. Ol’ Trump’s quill scratched out an executive order so fast the parchment caught fire. Word around the spittoon is this “Strategic Bitcoin Reserve” hogwash might get nailed down by the time 2025 shuffles off the calendar.
Folks with slide rules and neckties are scratchin’ their noggins, wonderin’ how many imaginary coins the Feds can cram into Fort Knox 2.0 before they run slap outta zeros.
Adam Livingston’s Snake-Oil Pitch 🐍
Paddle-wheel philosopher Adam Livingston-who penned books thicker than a river log and twice as hard to chew-says we just scoop up spare change from tariff surplus and flick it into a digital pickle jar. No new taxes, no new IOUs, no Congressional donnybrook-just good ol’ bureaucratic prestidigitation.
“What if Uncle Sam scooped up a hundred thousand BTC faster than a catfish snatchin’ a June bug, all with loose couch-cushion dollars from customs duties? No new debt, no fresh taxes, no Capitol slapstick-just cold, hard blockchain!”
Livingston, wearin’ numbers like Sunday feathers, hollers that by July the tariff bucket already brims with $135.7 billion-near about double last year’s haul. Seventy big ones just floatin’ around like a turkey buzzard with nothin’ to do: no doctor bills, no pension IOUs, no interest payments to the shylock across the pond.
“Sure, we done poured the slab with confiscated BTC, but a concrete pad ain’t a skyscraper, friend. Time we build that citadel before some other varmint does.”
‘Murica Leads the Parade 🎺
Seein’ how The Donald’s executive order bans deficit-financed coin-grabbin’, Livingston’s bright idea is to tap that tariff swamp water-no new strain on the ledger, no extra holes in the taxpayer’s pocket. Just swap one pile of idle greenbacks for another pile of cryptographic fool’s gold. Easy as fallin’ off a log-whilst drunk.
“That’s the finest use of federal dollars since we paid a man to study frog hiccups.” 👏
Bessent Jumps on the Bandwagon 🕴️
Even Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent-lookin’ like a riverboat gambler who just found a fifth ace-pipes up to say the reserve kicks off with Uncle Sam’s seized Bitcoin stash. He vows his clerks are scribblin’ schemes to beef up the pile without addin’ red ink, proudly vowin’ to plant Old Glory atop Mount Satoshi before the Swiss or Singaporeans beat us to it.
“Bitcoin is mankind’s next evolutionary leap- not with windy speeches or lawyer-riddled rules, but with Satoshis stamped by the Treasury, tucked into deep-freeze wallets colder than your mother-in-law’s handshake. Build it, fund it, and let the world play catch-up!” 🏗️
Oh, and as I scribble these very words, Bitcoin’s tickin’ at $115,399.21, off a measly 2.28%-barely a hiccup on a Friday night riverboat. CoinMarketCap told me so, scout’s honor.
Grab your popcorn, folks-this here show’s far from over. 😎
Read More
- Minecraft lets you get the Lava Chicken song in-game — but it’s absurdly rare
- Gold Rate Forecast
- PS5’s ChinaJoy Booth Needs to Be Seen to Be Believed
- Lewis Capaldi Details “Mental Episode” That Led to Him “Convulsing”
- Wrestler Marcus “Buff” Bagwell Undergoes Leg Amputation
- Cyberpunk 2077’s Patch 2.3 is Here and It’s Another Excellent Overhaul
- Yungblud Vows to Perform Ozzy Osbourne Song “Every Night”
- Elden Ring Nightreign’s Patch 1.02 update next week is adding a feature we’ve all been waiting for since launch — and another I’ve been begging for, too
- Rob Schneider’s Happy Gilmore 2 Role Is Much Different Than We Thought It’d Be
- AI-powered malware eludes Microsoft Defender’s security checks 8% of the time — with just 3 months of training and “reinforcement learning” for around $1,600
2025-08-18 18:06