CIA Replaces Humans With AI-and Maybe Regrets It Later

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It seems the CIA, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that human analysts tire too easily and occasionally take lunch breaks, so they have summoned artificial intelligence to do the thinking for them. One can almost imagine a tired officer muttering over his coffee, “Finally, a colleague who never complains about overtime.”

  • Within two years, the agency intends to sprinkle its classified AI assistants across every analytic nook and cranny, helping officers spot spies and draft reports while humans continue pretending to be indispensable.
  • This technological romance blossoms in the shadow of a government-wide ban on Anthropic technology, accompanied by a courtroom drama about supply chain risks-because nothing says “national security” like litigation.

Politico informs us that Deputy Director Michael Ellis announced these plans at a Special Competitive Studies Project gathering in Washington, DC, last Thursday. He assured everyone that AI would soon be “part of the family,” performing routine tasks while humans handle the thrilling parts of decision-making-like sighing dramatically at meetings.

“In a couple of years, AI co-workers will be built into all analytic platforms,” Ellis said. “A sort of secretive generative AI, quietly judging your work and never asking for a raise.”

Security and Global Competition (or How to Outsmart Humans and Maybe Aliens)

These obedient digital assistants are expected to help draft judgments and spot patterns, though, as always, humans will maintain the illusion of control over the “important decisions.”

The CIA, apparently tired of dancing with private tech companies, is now going solo. After some quarrels over the use of Anthropic’s “Claude” AI for surveillance and autonomous gadgets, former President Trump ordered the agencies to cut ties. Defense officials quickly labeled Anthropic a supply chain risk, prompting a delightful courtroom tiff.

Ellis, ever the diplomat, did not name names but made it clear that no single company should dictate national security: “We cannot allow the whims of a single company to constrain our capabilities,” he said, possibly imagining Claude rolling its digital eyes.

The agency is also poking into digital assets, blockchain, and cryptocurrency-because spies need to understand money that exists only on computers. In May, Ellis claimed this was crucial to countering Chinese intelligence operations, as if Bitcoin itself were plotting espionage.

The underlying urgency, Ellis explained, is the fear that the technological gap with China is closing. “Five to ten years ago, China was nowhere near America in innovation. Today, we are merely holding onto our crumbs of superiority,” he admitted, perhaps with a wry shrug.

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2026-04-10 12:12