Roald Dahl Style: Trump’s Wacky Mission to Crank the Banking Jam! 🚀💰

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Once upon a time, in the land of the big white house, President Donald Trump – yes, that one with hair as wild as a tornado – decided it was high time to poke the beehive called “the banks.” 🎩🕵️‍♂️

He’s planning to sign a curious little note – an executive order, they call it – telling the banking monsters to snoop and scrutinize anyone who dares to whisper “crypto” or who thinks the banks should mind their own business. Because, of course, who loves crypto or defying banks more than a snarky little mouse? 🐭💥

According to the sneaky draft seen by the Wall Street Journal, the bank bigwigs might be forced to investigate whether their sneaky laws have been broken – maybe by daring to lend money to tiny crypto gnomes or small biz giants. If they’re caught, wham! Fines and the like, as if they’re naughty schoolboys caught with their hand in the cookie jar. 🍪🚓

Now, this week might see Trump waving his magic pen to sign this curious piece of paper, but who knows? The White House might take it away, sweep it under the rug, and pretend it never happened. Typical, eh? 🧹🤷‍♂️

Crypto bosses have been whining about how Uncle Joe Biden’s crew has been waging war on their digital unicorns, pushing banks to shoo them away like pests. The famous Coinbase boss Paul Grewal even testified that the big banks, under Biden’s watch, played a game of “bludgeon and chase,” asking banks to stop dealing with crypto stuff – like a giant, scary game of hide and seek. 🎯🙄

And let’s not forget Nic Carter, who dubbed this whole mess “Operation Choke Point 2.0,” because nothing spells fun like choking out the crypto industry while pretending it’s all perfectly normal. 😂

And the plot thickens! 🕵️‍♀️

Trump’s order isn’t just about crypto – oh no! – it also points a finger at banks that have been suspected of giving the ol’ heave-ho to political conservatives, ostensibly because of their beliefs rather than any actual menace. Imagine that! Banks playing politics – next, they’ll start serving lattes too! ☕️🤪

The banks call it “derisking,” as if they’re just being prudent and careful, while everyone else calls it “shady stuff.” The Federal Reserve recently decided to stop picking on reputations and reputational risks, because who needs that drama? 📉🤔

So, in a nutshell, folks, the government’s trying to play Sherlock Holmes with banks and crypto, all while everyone wonders if this is just another one of Trump’s wild and whimsical plans. Or maybe a sneaky chess move – who can tell with these political games? 🎲🤡

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2025-08-05 10:29